Book Review of 1-2-3 Magic- Effective Discipline
Calmness and Consistency are Key to Disciplining Kids
Aug 11, 2008
In Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.'s book 1-2-3 Magic-Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, [Child Management, Inc., 1995] you will learn some stategies that help you feel more in control of your own household. Throughout the book, examples of common situations needing intervention by the parents are highlighted. It is stressed that these rules work with children who are in good physical health. Kids with other medical or mental issues may need a different approach.
Teachers have also found this method to be effective in the classroom and the author has dedicated a part of the book to discipline at school.
Discipline is used to either stop a behavior (whining, pouting, tantrums or teasing) or to start a behavior (finish homework, get ready for school or bed, or clean up toys). The techniques in the book are mostly for use with stopping a behavior or starting a behavior that won't take long (such as hanging a coat or brushing teeth).
Basic Rules of 1-2-3 Magic
Counting. The foundation of 1-2-3 Magic is in the counting ("That's 1" for the first warning, "That's 2" for the second warning, and "That's 3 and Take 5" for the rest period). According to Phelan, this approach usually will save you frustration and keep the house calmer once this technique is instituted correctly.
Consistency. Both parents and all caregivers should all be on the same page whether you are home, have visitors, are in public or in the car.
Rest Period. The rest period is an interruption of the child's activities and can take place in the child's bedroom or other area that removes the child from the area where the behavior in question has occurred.
No-Talking and No-Emotion. Phelan notes that behaviors will be repeated more often if you, as the parent, show how upset you are by it. The more emotion (usually anger) that is shown, the more the child will try to get that same reaction in the future. Things can easily escalate. The best policy is to use the counting method and not talk or show any emotion during the counting stage or after a rest period if needed. This can be the most difficult part of the method too.
Testing and Manipulation Phase
Kids will continuously test and manipulate their parents to avoid discipline and try to get what they want. Parents should be ready for this while using the 1-2-3 Magic method. Martyrdom, where the child makes the parent feel guilty, is very common at this phase. Other ways the child will try to side track you include badgering, intimidation, threats, buttering up and physical tactics.
When instituting the 1-2-3 Magic method of discipline, some kids will be quick to adapt and others will get worse before better as they test the new system.
Building Child's Self Esteem
Encouraging Good Behavior. The author suggests that praise and reinforcement be used often. Be sure to express affection, find something the child is good at and build on it, plan one-on-one fun activities with your child, and actively listen to your child.
Show Approval. Phelan also touches upon how parents often voice their disapproval on what the child does, but it is important for children to hear their parents' approval too.
Allow Children to Be Heard. Holding family meetings especially with older children, to give them a sense of say, is effective too.
1-2-3 Magic is well written, with many easy-to-relate to examples which show the effectiveness of this discipline technique. This might just be the approach you are looking for that works for you and your family.
