Practicing Non-Violence
Raising Peaceful, Compassionate Kids in a (Sometimes) Violent World
It 's been said that children learn what they live. When they live with parents working toward the goal of raising compassionate kids, the pressure can be intense.
"... Jainas ...wipe most carefully anything that is...used for food, with a view to exclude as tenderly as possible any of the tiny living creatures which might be found in or on it. In the same way as a precautionary measure in avoiding injury to very, small living beings..." (Implementation of Ahimsa-Vrata. www.jainworld.com). It was Mahatma Gandhi that said, "we must be the change we'd like to see in the world." For parents working toward the goal of raising compassionate kids, Gandhi's words are a powerful reminder of the importance of modeling - of living by example.
If it is indeed true that children learn what they live, it is critical that parents live with integrity and the constant reminder that children are watching and learning from our example. When you are a parent with a vision, the pressure to live by example can be intense.
Even parents with the most noble ideas and compassionate hearts will sometimes behave in ways that can be interpreted as less than charitable.
Raising compassionate, non-violent kids does not mean that you're perfect; it means that you are reflective and aware.
Here are some ideas to help you stay on track -
- Be willing to offer a sincere apology when you say or do anything that runs counter to the values you have been working to instill in your child.
- Look for teachable moments - experiences with teasing, bullying, homelessness and poverty can be re-framed as opportunities to learn about considering the feelings of others, regarding others with compassion, and harnessing the power to make a difference.
- Seize the power of words - How we say what we say really does matter. Using profanity, racist or derogatory language sends a message to children that can undo much of what you said you believe about how human beings should be treated and regarded.
- Find opportunities to serve - Many communities offer opportunities for families to volunteer and/or make gifts to charity. The Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service is a great chance for compassionate families to replace feelings of hopelessness with feelings of helpfulness. Children and families might also include discussions of where to direct charitable contributions - such as the Tzedakah - in their family meetings.
- Live mindfully - Give your full attention to the moment at hand. Worries about work, money, obligations, etc. can rob you of the joy of the encounter you could be experiencing right now. It is often easier to behave compassionately when you practice present moment awareness.
- Practice kindness in word and deed - Children are understandably confused when they are chastised for hitting siblings or friends and then hit by mom or dad "for their own good." Looking for the root causes behind misbehavior (tired, jealous, needing attention, feeling inadequate) can help parents come up with compassionate responses. In the end, violence begets violence.
Since we know that children learn what they live, when they live with us we must live by example.
