Time-out is a discipline method that has been around for years. It is beneficial for both the child and the adult. Fundamentally, all of the techniques allow time to calm and recenter oneself. It keeps the two opposing forces -- the adult and the child -- time apart to think about the situation. Even children as young as three are able to calm down then rationally discuss the problem and solutions. Here are five of the most common variations on time-out.
Time-Out Chair
A young child who is having difficulty can be required to sit in a time-out chair. This technique works best for children who are toddlers or preschoolers. The child may be argumentative, has physically hurt someone, or has deliberately disobeyed instructions.
The child is asked to sit in the time-out chair for a few minutes. A general rule of thumb is one minute per year of age. For example, a two year-old will sit for two minutes and a five year-old will sit for five minutes. Use a timer to help keep track. Be sure to discuss the situation when the time is up and both of you are calmer.
Some children are not able to calm themselves with a few minutes and may need a couple extra minutes.
“Think-About It”
The “Think-About-It Chair” is similar to the concept of a “Time-Out Chair”. Procedure is generally the same except you outline the problem. Then tell the child he has to think about what was wrong and think of solutions to the problem. It is also a term used by those who dislike the phrase “Time-Out”.
The Peace Corner
Set up a small corner as a Peace Corner. It can have a small table and chairs for cafe-like discussion when both parties are calm. Use large cushions that are comfortable to sit on, yet won’t be damaged by an angry child who needs to punch or kick them. Include a small, running water fountain or a Zen garden.
A child who is angry can be sent to the Peace Corner to re-center herself. It should also be made available to use at any time. Discussions can again take place after the child is calm, ideally using a Peace Flower or Talking Stick. Children of all ages can benefit.
“Go To Your Room”
Children having a difficult time can be sent to their rooms. TVs, computers, and video games are strictly off-limits. For the child who is screaming or continually coming out of his room, close the door. When the child is calm, he can come out, or you go to him and discuss the situation. This also works for children of all ages.
The Reverse Time-Out
Sometimes you just need to give yourself a reverse time-out. If your child won’t leave you alone, shut yourself in your room or even the bathroom. Announce “I need to go into time-out right now.” Often the reason for an ever-raging temper tantrum is to get your attention. When the child realizes that she isn’t going to get your attention, she will finally calm down and you can have a more rational conversation.
Choose a Discipline Technique
Try out all of the variations to see which one suits your child the best. Some children will benefit the most from one consistent strategy. Different situations may require different techniques.
An important thing is to follow through on your discipline, discuss the situation with your child, and assure him that you love him, even though you dislike the behavior.
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